BLOG

Families come to us all the time asking questions about various topics from aging care to dementia and caregiving. There is one question many family caregivers ask that I simply cannot answer.  “How much longer does my loved one have?”

Usually, I’ll say, “Let’s consult the crystal ball.”

The honest answer is there is no way to know. While there may be generalizations and averages for how long someone with dementia may live, there is one great variable in the whole situation – the person. It’s important to remember that a person with dementia usually has additional health concerns that come along with aging, such as heart conditions, mobility issues or other illnesses. And for those with memory loss who seem otherwise healthy, they could still experience any number of medical situations that could cause a rapid health decline like a fall or pneumonia.

None of us really know how long our journey here will be, with or without dementia. In our brains, if we know when the end will be or how far out it will be, we can plan better or prepare ourselves. Unfortunately, we don’t have that crystal ball.
Instead of trying to see the future, it might be more helpful to focus on the present.

If I had a crystal ball, I’d keep it in my office to answer all these hard questions. Caregiving is tough and having more answers than questions would make it feel a bit easier. I often tell caregivers to try and focus on finding as much joy as you can in each day. After all, for all us, it isn’t the quantity of our days but the quality of our days.

Strategies for being present:

* Focus on today – How can my loved one and I find joy today?

* Try not to worry too much about tomorrow and tomorrow’s worries. Instead, focus on the moment.

* Do we (my loved one and I) have our needs met today?

* Get a plan in place for your and your loved one’s future, while trying to remain flexible to life changes.

* Trust in the moment each day that you are making the best decisions with the knowledge you have today.